About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize