Swine flu. Run for my life!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
