So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
