smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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