she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I miss vodka workout Fridays
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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