**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
