My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
