weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
