$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
