when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
