Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
