The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
