True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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