I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
