I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize