Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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