I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
