i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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