his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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