I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
my liver is dry heaving
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
