Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
