I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
