One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
