Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize