their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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