nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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