you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
