It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
