I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Randomize
