my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
