Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
