If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
