You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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