I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
