His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
