My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
