Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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