The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
