i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
