This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
