He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
