Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
