He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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