i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
