Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
