My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
