is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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