So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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