the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize