Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize