i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
