Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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