I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
