You made me cry and you don't even care
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
