Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We talked him into tasing himself.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
