i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
