"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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