I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
