So drunk its hurt
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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