So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
