Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
