I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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