You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
