she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
