1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
