I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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