she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
