I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
