Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
two words: eviction party
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
