If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
