oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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