No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize