I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
