Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
